I forget God manages my life. I keep thinking he’s only in charge if I think of him properly — as if his control is bound to how well I behave. That doesn’t make sense. Control isn’t control if we have to behave perfectly, or God’s unable to act. As if God’s power is reliant on our behavior.
I’ll work hard and get a lot done, then when I rest I’ll think, “Okay, God, take over.” He was in control the whole time. He managed my highs and lows. My stresses and deep anguish. The problems that tortured me, and the painful paths I had to walk.
I feel I fail constantly, and if only I were closer to God, or looked at him better, then I wouldn’t be in pain. I wouldn’t be suffering. But God’s in control of our suffering. It’s not as if we were “stupid” or “wrong,” and that’s why the path we traveled was so painful.
God is with us when we’re failing. When we’re in turmoil. When we feel confused and lost and alone — when we feel everyone hates us. God is with us when we feel badly. It’s okay to feel awful. It doesn’t mean we’re doing anything wrong.
God’s control isn’t measured by if we feel “connected” to him. He just is in control. He makes a promise to take over and heal our lives when we become a Christian, and he’ll do that. But the difficult part is we’ll still suffer, in order to be led to greater healing. We’ll still suffer, so we can learn something we can teach others.
It’s not how much we do that determines God’s presence in our lives. He’s always there, and always active. All we need to do is not blame ourselves when things go wrong, and not hate ourselves for our mistakes. Try and stay with God, even when everything seems hopeless and miserable. He has a higher purpose for us. A plan. He doesn’t leave us alone. He doesn’t leave us at all. God’s in control. He’s always with us.